Is it the new moon? Or is Mercury in retrograde? Something is up because everything is going wrong. Everything. The teens are having meltdowns, I’ve got shouty disgruntled clients and Go Daddy took £450 of my money when I responded to an e-mail saying I owed them £9.49 (They won’t give it all back either. Bastards!). There’s bad karma afoot. Last night I opened a cupboard and a bag of salt fell on my head.
Where is the magic? I know it’s there somewhere, lurking beneath the stress and the salt. The question is, can I keep my cool whilst the storm rages around me?
I did a silent retreat on Wednesday and that helped. I floated home on a cloud, which dissipated when my daughter announced she was changing schools – for the third time in the space of a week!
My computer was awash with irate e-mails and by the time I’d waded through them, my nerves were shredded. I could not get to sleep that night. I lay there counting my breath for two-hours FFS!
But somewhere deep down, I know that everything is going to be okay. I am in a state of panic, but I don’t feel quite as crazed by this madness as I would have before embarking on this spiritual path. I already recognise that I am a person of extremes, so I’m hoping this is the trough before the next dizzying peak.
I didn’t meditate this morning. There was work to be done, arguments to be had and I had to rush to Brighton to take my dad to hospital. ‘This is no time to be losing contact with my higher self,’ I mused and promptly sat in a burial ground, closed my eyes for 10 minutes and made a trunk call to the universal energy/power or whatever you call it.
That connection cannot be lost. I met a pranic healer at a business networking event yesterday. He’s a corporate guy by day and believer in all things mystical on the side. He told me that even he gets stuck in the mind and has to remind himself of what is important. He gave me a free session, which was nice.
Do not panic. Do not panic. Do not panic.
This is my current mantra. My spiritual mentor Marion has asked those in her group to commit to a spiritual practice. This is mine. To stop. Tell myself not to panic. And breathe…